You Do It Because You Have No Choice

I have talked about it before in other blogs but there’s a point with every creative where you ask yourself – why am I doing this?

Most of us ask ourselves this about one thing or another. 

That self-assessment makes us examine the things we are doing and whether they are valuable in the end. 

This is of course all done on a sliding scale. 

Looked at from the end of our lives backward, we can pinpoint dozens of moments, hobbies, relationships, and jobs we may regret. Things we wish we hadn’t invested our precious time in. What we lose though is the immediacy of life in doing that. It’s easy to look back and say – oh, that bad movie, I never should have gone. That bad relationship, I never should have stayed. That bad meal, I never should have eaten it. 

It’s easy because we already did it. 

And to counter that attitude there are also dozens of things we can look back on and say, had I not stuck it out, I never would have become who I am. 

Worst yet are the things we could look back on and regret that we didn’t see through. 

Life is a Choose-Your-Own Adventure and there are rarely right answers. Outside of huge mistakes, sins, and crimes, it’s all gray. 

One choice led to another and so forth. 

That bad relationship led you to where you found a good one which led you to find the great one. 

There is no straight path through life. 

Or art. 

So, when you ask – why bother? 

It’s a valid question, and one only you can answer. 

For myself, I have asked over and over again why I keep writing with no fans, no sales, and with other things in my life that called my name it felt like I was wasting my time. 

Writing has always been my way into the world though. 

As obnoxiously outgoing as I can be, like a performer putting on too much makeup for the show, I am very withdrawn and my writing is how I reach out into the world. My stories are how I connect to them. 

I have said time and again that writing is my lifeline, and it is. 

Writing has always been there for me. 

It has never turned away from me or left me. 

It comes naturally because I am a big mouth and have a lot to say. 

The creative spirit in me is like a giant forest fire that eats everything it can reach. 

It always feels so silly and strange when people seem almost aghast at someone else’s creative output as if it’s a race. It’s like judging yourself against someone else’s success or failure. 

You’re not running the same route, even if you are running the same race. 

When it comes to the WHY it has to come from you.

It can’t be someone telling you that your work is awful, and that you are awful because while they have their opinion, it is neither the only one, nor the most important one.

Yours is. 

I had three pieces that ended up in anthology books and the editor (a friend) and I butted heads over edits until I finally gave in and let him have the last word on it. I knew that in the end, if I chose, I could release “my” version myself someday. He knew what he needed from the pieces, and that was that. I knew what I wanted to say though. There needs to be give and take but there also has to be a point where I can live with what comes out. 

I have been “seriously” writing since the late 1990s. 

That’s a long, long time. 

In that time I have been published in three books, a magazine, and online. 

I never got any interest from publishers, outside of the first one, which was more vanity press than anything else. 

With no interest, I did things myself. 

I put out chapbooks. 

I did ‘zines. 

And when I could self-publish through CreateSpace, I did that. 

Because I needed my words to be in the world. 

Whether I am a good, bad, or awful writer isn’t for me to say. 

I think I am probably OK with some moments of better than OK. 

My hope is that people find my stories and books and that some of those people love them. 

I would love to make money writing, and obviously to write fiction full-time as a profession but that was never why I started in the first place. 

If it was, I should be following trends closely and matching stories to those. 

I should have been writing for the market, not for my creative whims. 

There are a million ways to go about being a creative, and from there being a professional creative. If your goal is a career then you need to focus on what sells. Simple as that. You follow the money. Go to a comic convention and look at all the talented artists that are simply mimicking famous superhero art. Why? Because it sells. 

If it’s only about the money then there’s a clear path. 

Not an easy path, but it’s clear because you just follow what others are already doing. 

It’s harder to just do it for the creativity because you can’t get away from the need of validation, in the form of audience and or money. We’re in a world where we need money, there’s no way around it, and if we can create things that get us paid, that’s amazing. Luckily, there are tangential careers that can get you paid that are close to your passion – graphic design, audio engineering, communications, etc. That helps. 

But the heck of it is that it’s rare to make much money being creative. 

You can make some, but you won’t often make much. 

So why do you do it?

Answer that question and that will guide you. 

If you do it for the money, you know how to pursue it. 

If you do it for yourself then you just need to weather the storms and listen to your heart. 

If you aren’t sure why you do it then maybe it’s time to take a break and see if you miss it after some time. 

If you don’t…then there’s your answer. 

Why do I do it?
Because I have no choice. 

And if that is the answer then that’s all you need to know.

…c…

Now go buy some of my books! 

The Haunted Bookstore