Finding Logic In Madness – A SHADOW OVER EVER

This is an excerpt from my novel A SHADOW OVER EVER which is the story of a mad man who finds his sanity at the end of the world. It’s a story of the beginning and the end and in the middle are some zombies.

This is a part towards the end where good old Pete Anders confronts someone about a treacherous act that he sees much more honesty in than he has seen in much of his life.

“Well, now what, Jesus?”

  “Are you asking me why?”

  “No. There’s always a reason, no matter what it is, it’s there, and I figure that the reason is yours and yours alone. And shit, you want the truth? I’d done the same thing, I think.”

“You, you what?”

  “If my father, mother, whatever the fuck it is to you, had created me to suffer, to teach through pain and my own sacrifice, and expected me to die like a goddamned animal, I reckon I’d not be real generous in my forgiveness either. Fuck, you were betrayed by the two people you trusted above all others – your friend and your god. And your legacy? Shit, your legacy is a muddled mess perverted by Man as much as by devil or Fallen or whatever. You became not a beacon of hope and goodness, a sign of what Man can become if it wishes to, but a sword and shield used by those that claim to know what you really were, yet don’t. Your message was lost, your sacrifice in vain, and God has done nothin’ to change that. Free Will has damned as many as it has saved, and who knows that better than you? Fuck, what are you here? Some novelty act. A washed up celebrity to greet the newcomers and to be looked at and whispered about so long as you play the part of the happy martyr, the loving lamb. Ah, but you never were no lamb, were ya? The kin of God ain’t bound to be a lamb, not this god anyway, not from what I been told. You were born a lion and told to be a lamb. You wanted to fight but had no permission to. My god, you know as well as I do, better, that you could have toppled Rome with your fury. You might have united an angry, lost world beneath your banner. A loving general willing to kill to unite, none would defeat you because you were the Son of God. But no. And when God needed a martyr, a savior, he turned to you, and now, when the world needs to really be saved, he turns not to you, the lion, but to me. Me, for fuck’s sake. A sinner. A monster. I guess whom better to fight monsters than a monster, right? And I got this gift, this bullshit time bomb that, if I use it to its fullest, will kill me, which is prolly what everyone wants. I can’t fathom how any of this affected you, Jesus, nor do I care to. I seen the dead fruit that bore out from the seeds of God, I figger there ain’t no more for me to know. You were handed the sword of God, and told to kneel. My god…”

  “And you feel, then, you’d have done as I did? Even if it meant to kill people you cared for…loved.”

  “Lucky enough, I ain’t gotta make that decision, and never will.”

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