There are times when I would swear to you that I am nuts. A lot of times. OK, most of the time. There’s like a machine in me that will never turn off, no matter what I do. It’s the same machine everyone has in them, the one that drives us and inspires us and, unfortunately, keeps us up all hours thinking thoughts better left un-thought.
For me, that machine has an added section that is unique to me in that it’s built by and for me. It’s the monster that I made.
For sure, this machine has literally kept me alive because no matter how hard I fight it, it remains, my secretly beating heart, thundering away.
As of this moment I have a book about to release on Friday – Tattered Tents & Whispered Wishes – have a kid’s book waiting for me to go over one last time and then waiting for some artwork so it can be released, and then lastly I just revised Roadkillers, the sequel to my 2019 novel Road Kill. All that said, I have turned my gaze to another project…for 2021.
Because that’s how my brain works.
As it stands, just writing THIS was an act of creation I had to do because I feel compelled to. I have to be working on SOMETHING.
And I do.
I have shows I want to do to promote stuff, I have the horror shows I put together with friends, I do my solo and then a group podcast, I have a third short film I need to shoot, I haven’t painted in three years, and on and on and on.
Writing is my wheelhouse though.
It’s the easiest thing for me to do and to create.
I always have thought, and have said, were my head to explode all that would come out are the words, words, words that fill it to overflowing.
Maybe it’s because I have felt pretty ‘clear’ for the past few months.
My head feels clear, so I have more percolating.
I can’t quite say for certain.
I can say that there’s a sort of unheard buzzing in my head, the song of the machinery, driving me forward.
Heck, as I edited RoadKillers I was thinking about the cover and how I wanted to do it. With Tattered Tents I had a cover in mind almost immediately. It just came to me. For me, the creativity is always there, working on several levels at once – event mind, writing mind, promotion mind, creation mind. All working at once and on and on. I think most of us can relate to the idea of our mind being similar to that of a hummingbird feeding, dip, feed, feed, feed, dip, feed, move, dip, feed…
Always in motion.
For a few years now I have been trying to ‘clear the boards’ of projects. In truth, RoadKillers may be the last of those projects. You see, I began it some time after I wrote the first version of Road Kill, which was lost. It was the story of revenge focused on the father of one of the boys from the earlier story. That remains true. That is exactly what it is, but moreso. I have other ideas, other strands, and other stories but, really, RoadKill will wrap up my unfinished writing projects and will put a capstone on the Pete Anders and Munsonville stories. Not that there might not be MORE but that the essence is all there. In four books, A Shadow Over Ever, Road Kill, In Roots of Ash, and RoadKiller, you get a pretty full view of things. Not sure if there’s a lot more to say about that region of world, at least not right now.
It makes sense then that my idea for a 2021 book would be a collection of themed stories. Nothing too big, but something fun and weird.
Maybe I’ll get around to focusing on my ‘funny’ book as well, something a co-worker had challenged me to write. Several pages in and it’s not ‘funny’, though I can see where it can become that in an absurdist way.
Thing is that my funny isn’t HER funny and I guarantee she wouldn’t dig it.
Trust me on that.
For now, I’ll try to keep in mind that I have a book releasing on Friday.
That I have shows scheduled soon.
That I have two other books I plan to release this year.
That I have a short film to shoot.
I have more photos to take, paintings to paint, and dopey pictures to draw.
That there’s more, more, more to come because my head is full of words, my mind full of a ceaseless machine, and my heart just keeps on beating out its beat for us all to dance to.
The machine, as maddening as it can be, helps keep me going, keeps me inspired, and keeps me thinking about everything that isn’t a crate full of musty regrets and moldy dreams on the vine.
The machine helps keep me recycling all the awful things that wander into my head into things I can later make use of when the time is right.
That ain’t so bad really, is it?
As for me, onward I go.
Chug, chug, chug.
The train goes on.